Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Gratitude

How often do we feel thankful for all the blessings in life? May be a lot of times. How often do we thank people behind those blessings in life? Not quite often.
And I wonder Why ? Sometimes it's sheer procrastination- a beautiful art of delaying things in perspective of doing it someday, sometimes it doesn't seem that necessary or may be lack of recognising the reason or people themselves. For whatever the reason may be, gratitude takes a backseat.

I always had this habit of thanking people for even the jobs that seem mundane. Quite often I would thank my mother and father for all the things they would do for me.  But I guess it is the thankfulness to those who do good beyond their capacity without any expectations.

So I write this as I owe thanks to a lot of reasons behind the blessings in my life.

1. My Family

Life has a sarcastic way of working itself out. I have been in many tough situations where I couldn't change or control much to my best. All I could do was to accept things will fall back in place, may be not the way I desire but may be in my interest. During these hard times, I am thankful I had my family in life and how grateful I felt consciously in that moment.

I am thankful to my Mum and Dad for bringing me into this world, supporting me when I failed and giving me the courage to face what may come. They have been my idol and my pillar of strength. Me and my brother call our Mum 'Champion'. Because she is one, in all sense: from running errands to standing as a pillar of strength after my Dad's demise. My Dad has been my mentor and my strength in thick and thin. He has held my hand when I needed the most without me saying a word to him and he had let me go when I needed to spread my wings. Without him, if I stand today is because of him.

My mum's sisters and brother, their spouses and children, uncles and aunts have stood by us in times of dire need. Their contagious energy and support has overflowed and rippled through our lives. We are such closely knit yet not poking into each others' space. It's a beautiful family I am grateful for and I truly appreciate their presence in our lives. The list entails my masis and their spouses, my mama and mami, my mum's uncles and aunts and my cousins especially Sakshi. I recall various moments when all I wanted was to cry my heart out and one person who supported me was Surbhi Bhabhi. My brother has always been a silent support for me when I was vulnerable and upset. My husband Manik has been a patient listener when my grieving was a mess and each day was insurmountably difficult.

2. People I don't know
Life is short and as much as we know it will come to an end, 'when' is lurking? I have seen people swarm our house at my Dad's sudden demise and then again at my Mother-in-Law's. At the time when you are picking yourself up to move from denial to acceptance of what has happened, there are some people you don't even know, never met before may be but may seem so connected. These people understand silence better than many other and are truly there for you on the darkest nights. These people truly deserve appreciation and a heartfelt gratitude. I have along list, my immediate neighbours, my mum and dad's acquaintainces, mostly acquired , some from sojourn journeys whilst other casual buddies, from my distant cousins and my mum in laws' neighbours.

3. People who have hurt me 
Sometimes people who hurt you bring about a change in life for which you later want to thank them. I have had people who haven't acknowledged my integrity and honest demeanour, my hardwork and painstaking efforts and in return has helped me find better opportunities, given a larger perspective in life and become a stronger person. Their intentional or unintentional moves have paved way for a better course of life. Wouldn't be a good idea to thank them in public, haha

With each passing day after my Dad's departure, I have become more grateful for what I have in life.
Life is too short to moan over petty issues. Not too short to thank those who truly deserve.


Sunday, March 18, 2018

New Child, New Hopes

Becoming a mother second time wasn't only hard for me but also unnerving. No, not for the fact that I had lost zeal and energy I had seven years back but more so as people had started seeing seven year gap as a itch. No matter how convinced I was with my decision to be a mother again when I wanted to, people had already fabricated innumerous tales. But I guess nosy do gooders sense the air of confidence and leave you alone.

I had given myself enough time to be prepared to bring yet another being to life whom I have to nurture beautifully and completely. Yes it did take a long time for people around to understand. Kiaan, the name abounds blessings, the grace of God and truly he is, what I believe. 

After Dad parted ways with me, I was no longer interested in the world around me. In frustration to test waters around self, I questioned Almighty of his presence around me and that is when a desire to have a boy was born. I wished for my Dad's personification that was truly mine. And God bestowed upon me her blessings, a beautiful present on the day of Christmas of 2017. 

Kiaan, soon to be three month old has been an amusing little creature and his escapades have been legendary. Every evening when we both look forward to an evening stroll, a part of me is undusting the lost hopes and charms an unetched mind brings.

Aware of his routine, Kiaan was quiet as I lay him in the stroller and fastened the belt. His beautiful big eyes dilated to accommodate immense beauty nature had on offer and sharp ears to absorb distinct sounds. My little dazzler didn't blink an eye ensuring he didn't miss any moment of spectacular display around him, from deep shadow of a canopy of a tree to sun lit evening sky, whisper of our passage through the dry grass to the thick clouds with a silver lining, buzzing sounds of playful children to the whirring chizz of the insects, call of Koel to the ringing phones, tall glassy buildings to heavy traffic on the street across. His ears were responding from the quietest whisper to the loudest bark of a dog. His mouth opened several times in awe and closed itself without much intervention. It seemed like he had seen something I never saw in last four years of my stay in this condo. He soon made me see beyond the cursory look I always had. The same place started to appear magical and celestial. 

Every evening we both look forward to our magical time of unwinding, unlearning and learning new things, of building hopes and dreams from scratch, of enjoying our present and living the moment.